Inevitably, you’re going to get the question. When it happens, it’s best to have responses at the ready that don’t compromise your honesty, but don’t require you to disclose more than you’d like. The following are some witty responses I use that generally don’t invite further questioning. I’ve divided them into categories, so you can have an honest response regardless of the situation you find yourself in.

Either deadpan or hyperbolically energetic delivery is best; this will generally either get a laugh out of the person asking, or make them a little uncomfortable. The former will make everyone feel better, the latter will hopefully keep them from asking again. Enjoy!

Blah

I’m not white, but I’m taking this. Colonize the Colonizer, amirite?

Meh.
Girl…
Well, you know.
Hanging in there!
Kinda checked out…
Same old, same old.
Made it this far!
I’m here.
Living on a prayer.
Living the dream.

Tired

Tired!
EXHAUSTED.
Ha, where’s the coffee?
I’m on “x” hours of sleep…
Running on caffeine and adrenaline!
I’m vertical.
Well, I made it here today.
Just looking forward to my bed.
Just trying to get to the end of the day.
I wanna lie. Down.

Depressed

Listen, Frozen II was profound and I will fight about this.

Working on it.
We’re making it!
bRaiN maKe haPpY chEMicAL
Deep in the rabbit hole.
We laugh so we don’t cry.
Dead inside, lol
Looking for the next right thing.
I’m alive.
I’m surviving.
It’s hard, but it’s happening.

Anxious

Definitely overworked.
Holding things together.
Wondering what’s next!
Hanging by a thread…
Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Trying to keep control.
Trying to keep on top of things.
I’m trying.
Waiting for this to be over!
Just keep swimming!

Overwhelmed

STRESSED.
Busy!
A little overwhelmed!
*Laundry list of things I’m working on*
I mean, grad school.
I mean, teaching.
I need a break!
Almost the weekend…
Wait, what’s a weekend?
Keeping my head down.

Existential Dread

*awkward laugh*
It’s a mess.
I mean, Trump is president.
Well, the world’s on fire.
This is fine.
Keeping on!
Staying distracted.
Well, I can’t control everything.
Please vote?
Honestly, I’m not sure!

actual representation of my brain before my morning meds.

Heartbroken

sometimes you’re just cold and shamed and naked on the floor and that’s valid

Well, I listened to Natalie Imbruglia’s 1997 Classic “Torn” fifteen times last night.
All out of faith, this is how I feel.
At least my dog still loves me…
See, I’m smiling…
Ugh. Boys.
Men are trash, the musical.
Things have got to go right eventually, right?
I dreamed a dream in time gone by~~~
Could use a hug…
Thank the LORD for Ben & Jerry.

Ominous/Wee-Woo

Not the most COVID friendly solution but I’ll try anything at this point.

This too shall pass.
The universe has a plan.
I am.
I’ve got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is giving a peace sign.
AHHHHHHHH
Been better, been worse.
Trying to stay zoomed out.
Trying to see the bigger picture.
Is Mercury retrograde?
I’ll be alright. I have no choice.

Dealing with Drama

You know how people are.
dRaMA…
Things will play out.
People, amirite?
All the world’s a stage.
Can’t we all just get along?
Choosing to be positive.
Controlling my energy.
Stepping out of things.
Filtering negativity.

Miscellaneous

Well, you know what the T is like.
*Complaint about the weather*
Well, how are you doing?
How’s anyone doing?
It’s an “I forgot the pickles” kind of day.
Grass is always greener…
Something, something, global pandemic.
Actually, do you wanna get some food?
I’ll tell you later.
It’s a headache and a half.

Bonus!

Compliments to my sibling, Titty

Over it.
Subpar at best!

For use while in Florida

Well.. it’s Florida.

Stay honest. Stay you.

–Lucas

100 Honest Responses to "How Are You?" When You Feel Like Sh*t